Are toddler tantrum bad behaviour or a call for help?

toddler tantrum

Bringing a child into this world is very painful. It is said that labor pain equals the pain of all 206 bones being broken together, Just what we have heard. But raising a child is more critical and complex. The old school where parenting – violence, was believed to be the best way to tackle a child’s problem is now highly condemned and criticized. More and more parents are enrolling themselves in gentle parenting, producing rays of hope.

In gentle parenting, toddler tantrums are not seen as bad behavior.

On the contrary, they are seen as their cries for help very effectively. Eliminating the orthodox mentality that mental health is not as important as physical health, gentle parenting takes mental health very seriously. Therefore when a child is suddenly getting agitated for silly things, the outburst of emotions is considered as a call for help. It is highly unhealthy to dismiss their feelings as nothing.

It is crucial to keep in mind that children are not mini-adults. While they have the full ability to feel like an adult, they are not as expert as we are in controlling those emotions. So it is scientifically wrong to expect the same consideration and understanding power from them. Toddler tantrums can also be seen as calls for attention. If a child feels like they are being neglected, that can cause irrational behavior.

The book by Sara Ockwell Smith, ‘ Gentle Parenting’, describes gentle parents not as perfect parents.

Instead, it tells us that if your child is causing tantrums, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you failed as a parent. Sometimes things can go well and just as you planned until you find it challenging to handle your child’s mood. Because not always their moods depend on the parents’ side’s efforts. There can be other factors too.

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The construction of gentle parenting has been built by the four pillars: empathy, respect, understanding, and Boundaries. The theory of gentle parenting suggests that children who are causing tantrums are not deliberately doing it, but they are originally under some kind of stress. So it is not their lack of discipline or attention-seeking stunt or malice; it is their desperate attempt to get some help from the adults.

In this condition, the only thing that can help the parents is staying calmer and understanding the child’s psychology. If parents start competing with the children about the bad mood and the tantrums, it becomes noxious. Screaming and yelling will be no good in such conditions. One side has to be listeners, and as we are the adults who can understand things better, we have to listen to them. Punishing or criticizing the kid cannot correct them. To avoid search tantrums in the future, parents should look into the roots of the displeasure.

For too long, parenting has been viewed as a battle for control between parent and child.

There are many parenting styles –

Tiger Parenting, helicopter parenting, and French parenting. While some parenting systems believe in strictness and no consideration policy, some parenting methods control the children for fear of facing rejection from the children. While some parenting techniques don’t hesitate to reproach children for their tyrannical behavior, some encourage the little tyrants to grow as monsters by denying them any kind of consequences for the behavior. Gentle parenting is all about balance. It doesn’t say that children crossing the boundaries and throwing tantrums shouldn’t face the results or be brought into discussions; it says that they should learn what they are doing but understand their fault. You must understand that tantrums are not being fostered in the Gentle parenting system.  The primary goal is to make tantrums or indiscipline criticized by the children once they learn its negative impact and feel calm and happier. Parents are advised to wholeheartedly assist them in this process and become ‘gentle parents’.

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